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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22891699">Flower</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/justjunhoes/pseuds/justjunhoes'>justjunhoes</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>iKON (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Break Up, Regret</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 11:27:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,606</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22891699</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/justjunhoes/pseuds/justjunhoes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“I don’t want to see him in my dreams…”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Donghyuk/Song Yunhyeong</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Flower</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>yes inspired by iKON's Flower but maybe i made it literal meaning + own interpretation. anyway, support iKON's comeback. listen to Flower also!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sunday morning.</p><p>Donghyuk pours hot water into his cup. The scent of chamomile tea and the warmth of the tea wakes him up on this cold morning. It was snowing last night but unfortunately the heater was not working so he could not really sleep well.</p><p>He prepares himself for church. As he is getting ready, his eyes catch a blue ribbon box on the top shelf. He doesn’t remember what is inside the box so he decides to have a quick look.</p><p>
  <em> And I know that I can’t turn back time or hold onto you and bring you back… </em>
</p><p>The box contains memories. Donghyuk smiles bitterly as he slowly sits on his bed. He takes everything out and lay them on the bed, recalling every bits of memories he used to share with a certain someone.</p><p>Song Yunhyeong.</p><p>Time spent with Yunhyeong was precious. Every second, every hour, everyday, every month...Donghyuk remembers them all. Everything is still fresh in his mind even though he and Yunhyeong broke up 3 months ago. It was painful for him to let Yunhyeong go, painful for him to watch Yunhyeong leaving his apartment and never come back.</p><p>They were in love but their fairytale doesn’t have a happy ending. Why did he let Yunhyeong go?</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>3 months ago</b>
</p><p>“I...got promoted.” Yunhyeong smiles at Donghyuk.</p><p>“That’s wonderful! Congratulations babe.” Donghyuk gives a quick kiss on Yunhyeong’s lips. He then notices how quiet Yunhyeong is right now. “What’s wrong? You got promoted but you don’t look so happy?”</p><p>“I have something to tell you.” Yunhyeong stares at the floor, playing with his fingers as he feels agitated. “Donghyuk…let’s break up.”</p><p>Donghyuk feels like everything turns mute. He feels like there is only this cushion in the middle of an empty room painted all white. He doesn’t know how to respond to what Yunhyeong just said that he wishes this is just a bad dream. He shuts his eyes for a moment before Yunhyeong calls his name.</p><p>So it is not a dream.</p><p>Donghyuk opens his eyes to look at Yunhyeong. “Break...break up?” He clears his throat. “Uhmm break up. You wanna break up?”</p><p>Yunhyeong nods slowly. “I’m sorry. I have to. Plus I’m moving to another country for this position.” He gulps. His heart is heavy. He has been contemplating whether to try a long distance relationship or to just end this relationship. He loves Donghyuk but honestly, for the past few months, he feels like there is something not right in this relationship. It was difficult for him to finally accept this offer after some sleepless nights.</p><p>“Please think this through, baby...please. Why...this cannot be the only reason.” Donghyuk’s voice is shaking. He knows he would burst into tears any moment. “Yunhyeong...is it me? Am I lacking?”</p><p>“No. It is not you…” Yunhyeong holds Donghyuk’s hands tightly. He watches Donghyuk kisses each finger while mumbling something he could not hear. “It is for the best…”</p><p>“Why is it for the best? You are just moving and…” Donghyuk pauses. “Did you know that you will have to move once you secure this position?”</p><p>Yunhyeong knew. It was stated in the conditions for this job. “No, Donghyuk...I didn’t know. I thought they would send me to a different branch in a different city or something…” </p><p>Donghyuk forces a smile. “You know…” He caresses Yunhyeong’s cheek. “You are never a good liar.”</p><p>Yunhyeong feels guilty for trying to lie. "Ya...I knew...”</p><p>“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”</p><p>“I thought I wouldn't get that position. I didn’t want to be too confident.”</p><p>“That’s...that’s a weak reason, Yunhyeong. Come on. I know you can do better.” Donghyuk squeezes Yunhyeong’s arms tightly, forcing the latter to look at him. “Song Yunhyeong…”</p><p>“Okay. Fine. You want to know the truth?” Yunhyeong looks into Donghyuk’s teary eyes. “I don’t...feel the same way anymore. I feel like our relationship is...dull. I love you too much.”</p><p>“You make it sound like it is bad to me too much?” Donghyuk slowly retrieves his hands from Yunhyeong’s arms. “I don’t understand. I love you too much also and is it wrong?”</p><p>Yunhyeong keeps quiet for a moment. That’s not really what he meant. He loves Donghyuk so much but there is a haunting feeling which makes him think their relationship is empty. He has been thinking of how to ‘escape’ from this relationship with Donghyuk. He found a way. Promotion to a better position in another country. He strive hard for that position, beating other potentials from different branches too.</p><p>Yunhyeong feels awful. Still. He wants the job. He gets the job. But the fact that he still feels awful for choosing an easy way out is probably going to tail him for the rest of his life. Donghyuk is a nice man, the sweetest man he has ever met. Donghyuk is his first love too. Donghyuk teaches him about hardship, love and accepting the imperfections. </p><p>It was not easy for Yunhyeong to make this decision; to break up with the man he loves. Maybe what he needs is to be apart from Donghyuk. He figured, what if the distance makes the heart grow fonder? He is trying to hold onto that phrase though he feels like he is experimenting his own emotion. </p><p>“I guess...it is wrong then. It is wrong for us to love each other too much...hmmm…” Donghyuk blinks his eyes quickly but his eyes still betray him. He could not hold his tears any longer.</p><p>“I’m...no...I don’t know...” Yunhyeong tries to wipe the tears falling on Donghyuk’s cheeks but the latter avoids him. He is surprised but he understands. “I have to go now.”</p><p>“When are you really leaving...and where?” Donghyuk chooses to look at the blank television screen instead. He hates Yunhyeong now. He just could not look at Yunhyeong now. </p><p>“Tomorrow. My flight is at 11am. I can’t tell you where…” Yunhyeong looks at him. “Donghyuk…”</p><p>“Go.”</p><p>Yunhyeong freezes for a second. He takes a last look at Donghyuk. “Are you really not going to look at me a little bit? Can we hug? Please?”</p><p>Donghyuk is losing without even trying. Yunhyeong’s voice is his favourite melody, the voice that makes him smile for these 3 years of relationship. He slowly gets up towards Yunhyeong. He sees Yunhyeong smile at him which makes his heart ache. “Okay...let’s hug…”</p><p>They hug, one last time. Neither of them say a word. Just a sob and comforting arms on each other. Donghyuk quickly pulls away from the embrace, afraid he would not be able to let Yunhyeong go. Of course, he could never let the love of his life go just like that but it seems that it is what Yunhyeong wants. He feels that Yunhyeong owes him a proper explanation but at the same time, he doesn’t want to know the truth.</p><p>“Now, go.” </p><p>Yunhyeong is taken aback when Donghyuk suddenly pushes him away. He is hurt. Donghyuk never does that. But then, he knows he has no right to get hurt so he just brushes it off. “Goodbye, Donghyuk…” He smiles softly. His heart feels like it is being torn but he sticks to his decision.</p><p>Donghyuk tries his best to smile as he watches Yunhyeong walk out that door. His face drops immediately when the door shuts. He at least saw the smile on Yunhyeong’s face and slowly, the person owning the smile fades away from his sight. It really hits him. Yunhyeong and him are over. For good. He sits on the floor, hugging his knees with his tears keep falling. He keeps wondering why Yunhyeong feels that way. If there is something wrong, shouldn’t both of them try to fix it?</p><p>For days, Donghyuk disconnected himself from the world. He refuses to answer calls or reply texts and only goes out for food. He still does his work because he could work from home. Perks of his job and he is grateful for that.</p><p>It is not easy for Donghyuk to just erase Yunhyeong from his memories. Perhaps someday but for now, those memories are eating him up. He wonders how Yunhyeong is doing…</p><p>
  <em> It’s all because it’s too hard for me to face you...after never even saying ‘sorry’... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I plant the flowers that you are, I follow the wind that you are…and I fly away, I scatter away… </em>
</p><p>Yunhyeong enjoys the new work environment. His colleagues are warm and friendly. He gets along well with them quickly so he doesn’t have a hard time adjusting himself. The only thing that is hard for him to do is to move on, to forget about Donghyuk.</p><p>A lot of things around him remind him of Donghyuk. He feels empty without Donghyuk. Usually, Donghyuk would send encouraging selfies whenever he is busy with work but now, Yunhyeong could only look at old photos. At least there is something…</p><p>
  <em> The moonlight is used as a spotlight as it shines over only the faded memories… </em>
</p><p>Yunhyeong smiles a bit when he flips through the photo album which is full with photos of them together and Donghyuk. Memories...they are there with him, giving some strength. He begins to wonder if he was hasty, if he should have just tried a long distance relationship. </p><p>But it is too late, right? </p><p>Yunhyeong looks at the calendar. It’s only been 1 month since the break up and 3 days into the new year. 3 days...3rd January...Donghyuk’s birthday. He has been hesitating since he woke up this morning. The time zone sucks but he still wants to wish Donghyuk on his birthday. But somehow, all Yunhyeong does is deleting messages then type again then deletes again.</p><p>
  <em> “Happy birthday...Kim Donghyuk…” </em>
</p><p>Yunhyeong ends up deleting even this simple wish. He is not ready and he is not sure if Donghyuk wants to receive a text from him. He sighs. He looks at a photo of Donghyuk. </p><p>“Happy birthday.”</p><p>He smiles a bit, recalling the time when he and Donghyuk celebrated their birthdays between 3rd January and 8th February. They took a week off just so they could spend time together somewhere outside Seoul. It was done yearly like that ever since they were friends. </p><p>Good time...good memories…Yunhyeong suddenly cries when he thinks about the memories. From strangers to friends to lovers and back to strangers. He remembers the first time he met Donghyuk. </p><p>The first time he met Donghyuk was on a bus. The tired looking boy with round spectacles hopped onto the bus then squeezed between the packed bus to hold the pole. After a few people left, Donghyuk sat next to him. They exchanged smiles and had a short conversation.</p><p>Yunhyeong was looking outside the window when he felt something touch his shoulder. He turned only to see Donghyuk dozing off comfortably against his shoulder. He didn’t have the heart to wake Donghyuk up that he missed his stop. It was when the bus reached Donghyuk’s place, he noticed Donghyuk immediately woke up. It was as if Donghyuk knew how far the bus had traveled. </p><p>“I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you wake me up? It’s okay. Ahhh...I’m sorry.” Donghyuk bowed.</p><p>“It’s okay. I can just wait for another bus or taxi.” Yunhyeong smiled softly. “Don’t feel bad. It’s just...you looked tired.”</p><p>“I am tired.” Donghyuk sighed. “But hey. Are you sure? I could drive you back. Let me ask my mom’s permission to use her car.”</p><p>Yunhyeong insisted that he would be fine. So Donghyuk suggested that they exchange phone numbers. That was how they finally told their names. Apparently, Donghyuk was younger. The two of them then got each other’s phone number after Donghyuk kept asking for it which made Yunhyeong chuckled.</p><p>“So...you know...you could text me that you have reached home safely.”</p><p>“Alright Donghyuk. That is so nice of you.” Yunhyeong looked at him. “Oh here comes my ride. See you.” He waved at Donghyuk as the car drove further and further away.</p><p>That started the whole thing. How two strangers became good friends. How two friends developed feelings for each other. How Donghyuk boldly confessed to Yunhyeong and of all days, Donghyuk chose Halloween day to confess.</p><p>Then everything happened the way Yunhyeong wished for. Their first date. Their first kiss. Their first meeting with their parents. Their little fight. Their first time sleeping together. Their first vacation. </p><p>These were the memories that would never fade no matter how hard he tried to erase. He wonders...if Donghyuk…erased...</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Present - Valentine’s Day</b>
</p><p>“Happy Valentine’s day!”</p><p>Donghyuk smiles at Jiwon, a friend who is like a reliable brother to him. He takes the small box from Jiwon’s hand. “For me? Thanks.”</p><p>Jiwon nods. “Junhoe helped me choose. I hope you like it.” </p><p>“I will definitely like it, hyung. Thanks.” Donghyuk opens the box. It is a necklace and a neck muffler. “Wow. Pretty.” He looks at Jiwon again. “So...what did you get for Junhoe?”</p><p>“Myself because I am the best gift.” Jiwon laughs. “Okay okay. I gave him a coat, that writing pen which he has been eyeing for some time, a bottle of Bushmills Black Bush Whiskey and dinner later.”</p><p>“Wow, hyung. That’s a lot. You must really love Junhoe…” Donghyuk keeps quiet for a second while Jiwon talks about his love for Junhoe, he could not help but to think of Yunhyeong. He wonders if Yunhyeong is already seeing someone else. </p><p>Jiwon notices how mute Donghyuk is right now so he stops talking. “Err...buddy...are you alright?”</p><p>“I’m alright, hyung.” Donghyuk smiles a bit. “Oh look. Lunch time.” </p><p>“Wanna eat together?” Jiwon sees Donghyuk shaking his head, declining the offer. He watches Donghyuk leaving the office with a gloomy face. “Did I talk too much?” He takes a glance at Donghyuk’s table. That is when he sees a note. </p><p>
  <em> ‘Happy Valentine’s day...Song Yunhyeong…’ </em>
</p><p>“Hmmm...yah Kim Donghyuk…” Jiwon sighs.</p><p>Meanwhile, Donghyuk drives himself to the nearest florist. He often buys flowers for his father every Valentine’s or any special occasion. After he was done choosing flowers for his father, his heart tells him to choose another flower for himself too. </p><p>“Pretty. You sure know your flowers.”</p><p>Donghyuk smiles at the florist. “Thanks, ahjumni.”</p><p>“Don’t you want to buy for the love of your life, dear?”</p><p>“My love of my life…” Donghyuk pauses. “He’s not with me...I mean he is still alive but he is not with me.” He gives a bitter smile. “I don’t know, ahjumni…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to dampen the mood.”</p><p>“That’s alright, son. You can still buy one for him. He is still in your heart right? In your dreams?”</p><p>Donghyuk nods. “But I don’t want to see him in my dreams. I always hoped...he would never return to my dream. Is it bad, ahjumni?”</p><p>“No, no sweetie. It’s not bad. I understand. A dream is temporary. You can’t even hold the person you love because it is just a dream. You want him next to you instead. Dreams can be beautiful but I sometimes find dreams as cruel.” She smiles softly. “My husband passed away 5 years ago. I don’t want to dream about him too but I’d always think of him. He’s on my mind, my heart...and on the wall.” She points to the photo frame hanging on the wall.</p><p>Donghyuk smiles a bit. Guess when you love someone, no matter where they are, the love would never fade. It’s about effort, how hard you do to keep this love alive.</p><p>“I still love him.” Donghyuk whispers.</p><p>He ends up taking another set of flowers meant for Yunhyeong. He would take good care of the flowers as if that is Yunhyeong. Maybe people think he is a fool for still holding onto the thin string, hoping to see Yunhyeong again...hoping to hug Yunhyeong again...hoping to have Yunhyeong back into his life.</p><p>
  <em> Following the path of clouds, on the other side...will our old selves still be there? </em>
</p><p>Yunhyeong pushes the door, making his way in the cafe. He is greeted by the cheerful baristas. </p><p>“I would like to have Iced Americano with...uhhh...this cake. Banana walnut cake.” Yunhyeong glances around the cafe. The interior is still the same except that it has been repainted and few tables and chairs are replaced. The paintings on the wall were replaced too. </p><p>Yunhyeong left the cafe after getting his drink. He decides to stroll along the streets. He misses Seoul so much although it is only 3 months since he left Seoul. Nothing beats home. It is always calming to come back to his hometown. He even stops to watch street performers and cheers for them.</p><p>The wind blows, making it even more chilly than usual. Yunhyeong puts his hands in his pockets to keep them warm. He whines to himself for not bringing his gloves. He continues walking and as he walks, he feels as if he is being watched. He stops then turns around to see if someone is watching him or if he is just feeling that way.</p><p>He is not wrong. Someone really is watching him...</p><p>“Donghyuk…”</p><p>Donghyuk gulps. So he was not dreaming. The man whom he keeps following since a few blocks away is indeed the love of his life, Song Yunhyeong. He just stands there, taking his own time to look at Yunhyeong whom he dearly misses.</p><p>“Yunhyeong...goodbye…”</p><p>“Wait!” Yunhyeong runs towards Donghyuk. “Wait. Kim Donghyuk.”</p><p>Donghyuk is not sure what to do. Yunhyeong is in front of him now but he feels like there is an invisible wall between them. He just freezes, unable to say anything.</p><p>“Donghyuk…”</p><p>“Hey...Yunhyeong hyung…”</p><p>“How...how are you?”</p><p>“I’m good. You?”</p><p>“Me too.” </p><p>The two of them stay silent. Both not knowing the right words to say, maybe because both did not expect to meet like this after 3 months or so. </p><p>“You didn’t tell me...that you are coming back.”</p><p>“Ohh…” Yunhyeong bites his lip. “I’m on vacation actually.”</p><p>“I see.” Donghyuk’s heart aches. Just for vacation. <em>‘I’ve missed you...Song Yunhyeong…’</em> “Well...uhh good to see you again.”</p><p>“Can we hug?” Yunhyeong looks into Donghyuk’s eyes. Somehow, Donghyuk’s eyes scream loneliness and he knows he causes it. </p><p>“Of course…”</p><p>They hug for a while. It feels surreal for Donghyuk. He has Yunhyeong in his arms again and even if it is just temporary, he cherishes every second of it. Both of them say nothing until they pull away from each other’s arms. </p><p>“Thanks…err...for the hug.” Yunhyeong doesn’t know what else he could say. Should he apologize again? But why is there a strange feeling? A feeling that draws a space between him and Donghyuk. The hug felt good but the strange feeling made the hug felt like...a painful hug. Why does it feel like a goodbye? For real?</p><p>
  <em> The times without you and your times without me...I hope we can plant it in the scent of flowers and keep it all here… </em>
</p><p>“Oh. Before I forgot…” Donghyuk takes a bouquet of flowers from the paper bag. “Happy Valentine’s day, Song Yunhyeong…”</p><p>“Donghyuk…” Yunhyeong takes the flowers from Donghyuk. “It’s beautiful. Thank you...Ah...I didn’t get you any.”</p><p>“That’s okay. I...didn’t know that I could bump into you like this but I bought it...so I could remember you.” Donghyuk smiles softly. “I know...we might not get back together but Song Yunhyeong...I wish happiness to you and I wish you to be happier in your path, your life...in whatever you do.”</p><p>Yunhyeong could feel the sincerity in Donghyuk’s words. “Thank you...I wish the same to you too. I do…please be happy.”</p><p>Donghyuk says nothing. He looks at every inch of Yunhyeong’s face. From Yunhyeong’s eyes to lips, he slowly gazes down Yunhyeong’s hands. He wants to hold Yunhyeong’s hands but he stops himself. It hits him. He has to let Yunhyeong go. He has to stop hanging by the memories. If they are meant to be, they would find way back to each other one day.</p><p>“Kim Donghyuk…”</p><p>Donghyuk almost caresses Yunhyeong’s cheeks. He smiles. “Hyung...take care.”</p><p>“Are you...leaving?” Yunhyeong pulls Donghyuk’s sleeve. “We just met again. We could at least grab something to eat together.”</p><p>Donghyuk marches closer to give a soft, deep kiss on Yunhyeong’s forehead. “I have to go...and you too.”</p><p>Yunhyeong feels like the ground chains his feet. He stands there with tears rolling down his eyes as he watches Donghyuk walking away. The strange feeling was a hint after all. It is a goodbye, for real. He looks at the flowers in his hand.</p><p>Maybe the flowers would keep their memories alive...Yunhyeong promises to keep the flowers fresh and showers with love though the one who needs love is Donghyuk.</p><p>Donghyuk hides in his car, thinking that he did the right thing. He is sad. He wanted to tell Yunhyeong that he misses Yunhyeong and wants to get back together but he just couldn’t. </p><p>A person never really left your heart even though you are not with him. Like a scent of a flower, Yunhyeong stays in Donghyuk’s heart, still lingers in his life.</p><p>Like a scent of a flower, Yunhyeong yearns for Donghyuk to be with where he is, to be together. But he knows...Donghyuk is hurt. Hurt to want him back quickly. </p><p>Like a flower, it could wither. Donghyuk is like a flower Yunhyeong fails to keep. </p>
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